Depression Blues...

There are some things which are small but they look big, I think coz they are really small but we think they are big or they are really big...Whatever...I mean think about it i got into pgpim in mdi and i decided to spend 14 lakhs on a course coz the outlook of outcome of prospects when I got out looked outstanding. Now since the industry is out of its mind I am rethinking. I wished i had done this earlier. I am not going moaning about what the fuck this mdi institution is or whatever. On the contrary, I wonder if the decision had a deeper meaning.

Think of a person digging a pit in the earth, to dig deeper he has to keep on going inside the pit. Is that what I will be doing after I am done making the next installment of the course fees, I wonder...Now, there could be two paths from here. Either, the person could come out of pit sell off all the mud and walk away with the cash, OR he remains in the pit unable to come out. I presume you understand what i am saying figuratively.

Let us just leave me out of the picture, think about other people who were already managers in their organizations before coming to mdi to acquire that coveted MBA degree. Quite possibly to add something to their CV's, to prove to the world that they are capable of something, which they were and they knew they were even before doing this lousy MBA.

It is this that bothers me. Sometimes, we do things differently than we would have done, thinking how our parents or the people around us will think about this. and sometimes we think how would doing this make our parents look in front of the relatives and the world. Sometimes, we feel happiness out of our acheivement particularly coz you know your parents appreciate this and that may be because your parents are receiving all the attention of the world for what you have done.

I wonder what it would have been if I would have been an orphan. I know I am a capable person. CAT definitely proves that. It is not so much as a numbers or language thing. It tests whether you can think or not. It checks if you were filled with enough passion for a thing would you make it good. You fucking would. You have proved yourself once and you can do it again. If this is true 

then, why can't i hit the streets and make something of whatever i have inside. what kind of a chain am i in. I don't know. I don't know why i am supposed to be something big in some particular fashion..whats wrong with being a small timer who writes stupid blogs.

I don't know when I would stop to think as if i am inside a container and i am craining my neck out to look at a beautiful world.